boston, are we ready?

so when we do our PT routine (that we've been frantically reworking this week), that's my call. loud and what not. although i don't feel so coordinated that i deserve to be in the front row. we're doing a routine to welcome all the sites to cyzygy.

cyzygy - city year's annual conference hosted by any of the 19 sites (this year, BOSTON!) with workshops and speakers and everything nice about idealism.

we're also crazy busy preparing (prepping) service sites for serve-a-thon this weekend. and my team is still running our afterschool program, so we are rather busy.

yesterday however, i spent the day in the office, catching up on the numbers that track all of our impact. aka, i did a full day of data entry. i will say though, the beginning of the day was far more productive than the end, but i couldn't focus on it anymore. i am not cut out for long periods of data entry.

this morning we are meeting at the wang theatre to go over our PT routine in the space we will be using on thursday. people can grumble all they want and fail to see the positive side of the whole ordeal and complain about the lack of order/organization, but unless they're doing something about it (coming to the table for dialogue, or something that involves both sides) then they should just be glad they survived their city year.

i think i've come to terms with it, at least a little bit and i feel blessed to have figured it out so the year wouldn't end bitterly but at least looking back, i feel proud/pleased/astonished.

the beginning of the end

here we are, almost ten months later, and definitely not enough blog entries to account for it. or journal entries in my own personal journal for that matter.

today was the last day of in-school. i hate to say it, but it was a little anti-climatic.
1) we're still going back to run our afterschool program for the next two weeks
2) we're running a field day at the school on june 13
3) the kids know they're still going to see us.

i made star shaped brownies (yeah reynolds fun foils) for them because they are all stars. corny. also one of my students increased his score on the grade test from fall to spring by 17 points.

it was a good day. calm and we spent a lot of time outside. i went to gym and learned about golf clubs and went to art and drew awful still lifes of various fruits for all my students. it was the least i could do for them.

my eyes are throbbing

if there was a way to guarantee a restful night, i would be all over it.
last night i didn't even sleep through an hour of the night - between my hamster and thinking that it was time to wake up way too many times/hours before i needed to get up. finally i just gave up and came down to eat breakfast.

today is our signature service day.

round two of camp

so, right after i withdrew from my senior corps position for next year -- we had camp. camp was amazing.

i led the VTS (visual thinking strategies) sessions for the kids and it was incredible. we had two days of training at the MFA (museum of fine arts) and then it was off to camp to try it out on real, live children.

the basic concept of VTS is that a child can explore and expose the inner workings of their mind (cognitive development through asthetic awareness?) while they talk about art. sometimes famous art, sometimes not, but always carefully chosen for the age group. in a regular classroom, the art slides go in sequential order and the curriculum takes a year, with three pictures being shown a month.

my roommate's class does it (she is in the 1st grade) at another school and she had told me that all of her kids really enjoyed, but i was unsure of what to expect at camp. the first day the kids were like, this is wack. but once they realized they could say anything and i would repeat and affirm it back to them, they started opening up more to throwing out crazy ideas and making up entire stories for one picture.

in a VTS lesson, you are only allowed to follow this format.

first, you say, let's take a moment to look at this picture. (here you time one minute)
then, what's going on here?
then, what do you see that makes you say that?
then, what more can we find?

the focus is to not guide/lead/influence the comments the students are giving, so you paraphrase every idea. and point. you have to point at the artwork to show that you are paying attention and understand what the student is saying. it may not make sense to you, but you have to validate them no matter what.
asking, what do you see that makes you say that forces them to look for hard, concrete evidence in the artwork for an interpretation that they may have made.

saying we in the last question implies that EVERYONE is working together to find more in the picture. because there is always more.

it was nice to see the quick progression my kids made from the first day to the third day and i was pleased with my personal growth as the facilitator of the activity.

the questions that you ask are supposed to be able to translate to other disciplines as well as the skills that the students learn

late nights

so i've been doing a lot of thinking recently about the senior corps position that i accepted back in march in the service department and today that thinking culminated in me declining the position.

there's not much to say except that it didn't feel right. and of all the things i've been working on this year, its to trust myself more. i can trust others no problem until they break that trust, but trusting myself is much harder. maybe because i am very hard on myself. also i want to sleep at night next year and even though i know i can't base next year's experiences off of this year, its hard not do that.

so here i go to bed, in an attempt to make a dent in my accumulated since september sleep debt.

hours, completed

today on my time sheet report i reached a total of 1717 hours and 15 minutes.

americorps hours - check.
months left - 3.
months completed -7.

i think i will wait till next weekend to celebrate, because i feel like it would be more fun with a non-City Year friend. also known as, one of my best friends is coming to visit me from tucson and i have to think of something exciting to do.

added two new posts

but you'll have to back track a little to find them.

words on routine

city year for kids

time is flying

it's been over a month since i've written in the blog and every night when i come home i think, ok, today is the day, i'm going to get a few lines out. but where am i right now? the office, waiting for carla to cut her own hair so we can get out of here and go to the gym after a long day of young heroes.

young heroes - part of the city year continuum, providing a city year experience on 3 saturdays a month for dedicated middle schoolers january - may exploring social justice issues.

today's topic was racism/prejudices. i've come before because even though i'm not a team leader for the program or even on the young heroes team (the city year corps members that run the program), i've been to support my fellow corps members in what i consider an awesome thing.

they get up on saturdays and educate middle school kids about perspectives on life and provide a place for safe discussion on seemingly taboo topics like race. they force the kids and themselves out of boxes and into an open area where as long as things/ideas are said and received respectfully (you don't have to agree, but you do have to listen) then all is well.

in the morning we did a few exercises that brought up stereotypes in the media through an exercise called four corners. each corner of the room is labeled strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree. the facilitator reads a statement and then the participants silently move to the column/corner that they believe is accurate. so if the facilitator said, m&m's are better than skittles, i'd move to the strongly agree corner because that is what i believe. then there's a few minutes allowed for discussion within each group and then a larger group discussion where each group picks one representative to speak. then usually there is a time where the facilitator will ask if anyone wants to change places based on what they have heard and had time to absorb. usually people move. a few, not many.

then we did some snap debates. the facilitator reads a scenario or statement and tells each side to defend their point. and then the two sides switch. so sometimes you are put into a position where you have to defend that nazi germany was a good thing even though in your heart you believe it was the worst thing that could've ever happened in the history of the world. it pushes everyone to open up and discuss and think creatively, which is absolutely wonderful to see middle school kids doing that.

i've been coming on and off now for a while to these saturdays and its been incredible to see these kids grow and mature. even though sometimes they are still going balls out, its cool because they are growing up -- but with a mind that can change the world.

(i'm going to backtrack to some important things that happened in february and early march so keep an eye out for those!)

words on routine

we've fallen, most of my team, into a jaded state, where we don't really believe in ourselves and sometimes think of ourselves as the victims of the very system we are struggling to defy.

its disconcerting, but it must come with the routine of our every day lives. while each day holds the potential to be beautiful and different when taking into account each and every wonderful detail, i think of the larger, ok this block of time is literacy, this block of time my teacher will most likely send me out to make copies of things he didn't do himself, etc. and it gets me down. and then i don't even spend that much time with my small 5th graders anyway because when i do get into the classroom, i get sent out to make copies. that doesn't really make me feel engaged in any way, shape or form in the experience. sometimes i don't even go to class because i know i'll get kicked out to make 100 worthless math busy work packets for the 5th grade (two of each kind) which will take me forever because the machine ran out of staples or the machine itself isn't working or it overheats, etc. yes, this would take up my teacher's time during the day, but that's why he stays after... or is it? i know i'm not being fair sometimes and that teachers don't have all the time in the world, but i wish i were being used wisely as an instrument for the students and not for my teacher.

city year for kids aka winter break aka camp

alright, so the last week was CYFK -- the spring break we don't have as a corps because we are putting on a winter break vacation camp for kids at four sites around boston.

my team got placed at a largely spanish-speaking site, which was a blessing for me because i was beginning to feel useless at city year. not to say that i don't contribute in other projects, but i felt that my impact with children was no longer existent. i'm glad i got placed at that site because i got to use my skills that i am most proud of (making lessons entertaining, speaking spanish)... the lesson part came from city year and the spanish part has to do with my background.

i miss the spanish at this job, something that i hadn't realized would happen. in my previous work experiences, spanish was always something that was highly valued and utilized constantly. at city year, sometimes i translate applications, surveys or other documents but there is rarely an opportunity to speak. there are only a few corps members that speak spanish fluently, so for camp confirmations, i got tasked with making most of the spanish phone calls with 3 other people.

the theme at camp was superheroes, and we had superhero PT ready for the kids, which they definitely enjoyed once they realized everyone was going to look a fool doing it. i got to be a service activity leader with a fellow co-worker (nice to interact outside of my team) and we had a blast. our curriculum included recycling, planting seeds in cups, learning about plant parts, and brainstorming reduce/reuse/recycle ideas. the kids loved it for sure and the team leaders got involved because we asked them to and i think that it rounded out the experience for the kids. it was a service-learning curriculum, which made for an interesting interpretation from the rest of the corps... we usually think of service as painting, building stuff or landscaping.

something like a breakthrough

so, once upon a time, i trailed a kid around school for an hour and a half because i was worried about him. and every once in a while he would turn around and scream in my face "I HATE YOU! WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!" and other variations of that sentence. and it hurt my feelings. i am a very sensitive person, and i have cried every day i've been back since january 7th. it's a personal record, i think. i'm not upset about me crying at all, its just how i get things out.

so this kid, he's mine. as in, he's from my fifth grade classroom and he is a pretty wonderful human being regardless. when i slipped and smacked the ice with the back of my head, he was the first one there saying "yo, that's my teacher, get your hands off her, help her sit up!" and i think sometime this month it clicked that i'm actually NOT leaving. i'm actually going to come and stay until june. until they all graduate and move onto the sixth grade at their respective middle schools. and that gives me mad legitimacy in his eyes. he told me about how last night at taekwondo afterschool some kid dislocated his thumb and his teacher popped it back in. then he leans in and whispers, "but don't tell anyone, cause i don't want them nagging on me." and i'm like, alright, this could be good. we're reading a book together and today he asked me if i wanted to take it home.

i love them all. they are all incredibly ridiculous, but they are so bright and wonderful when nobody is screaming at them. even the tiny skinny one that pulls on my hand all the time, regardless of how many times i've asked him not to pull on my sleeve anymore because i can't handle all that closeness. and the girls with the fifth grade attitude. sometimes it makes me want to laugh, but i can't because these are super serious things for them. super serious. and i try to keep it all in check and later i just smile reliving the day that i had in service.

publishing party!

so yesterday, for the first time ever, we went to school on a friday. my team showed up bright & early at 8am (really, 7:30 since we like to be on time which means early to everything) to be a part of the school wide publishing party.

usually on fridays we have training via LDD (leadership development days) or physical service. yesterday, we got special permission to meet up at our service sites later in the day in order to participate in the publishing party. honestly, i think it was an amazing decision from site leadership to give us the opportunity to be at our school for an event that clearly held a lot of significance for our students.

for the past few weeks, all of the students at our school have been working on publishing some personal narrative writing pieces. that meant for us, typing up stories, conferencing one-on-one and getting students to flesh out the details of their narratives. on thursday afternoon, i found myself in a chatoic grade 1 lab classroom where i also worked with two students on putting their book together, four pictures and four sentences (captions) so that they could present them to their parents on friday morning. it was just the referesher i needed.

my students were surprised to see me on friday and the excitement didn't wear off at all, per usual. friday morning when i walked into my classroom i was bombarded by kids wanting me to help them draw their cover pages. i figured, why not? they told me what they wanted and i drew block letters. because my drawing skills don't go much beyond that.

the time came to share their stories and even though i'd had the chance to work on the stories individually with my kids, it was excellent to hear them read the stories outloud. we had an audience of 1 (a dad that came a little late) and a lot of support from each other. most of the stories were about the world's most loving mother or father. one of my kids, whose father recently passed away, wrote about his father and how he had taught him how to take care of his mother when he was gone. it touched me. inside. a lot. another kid had written "my mother is the mom foster kids dream of" in his original narrative, but that line (my favorite) had gotten edited by the teacher. earlier in the week another student had asked me how to spell e-roma, like the smell of things. and i had to make him look it up in the dictionary so he would believe that it was aroma. my mentees had great narratives about their families, with lots of details.

there was so much LOVE in that room i wanted to burst. sometimes they are so mean to each other, but the love they felt for their parents and relatives is so very real that i am so happy i was there to share the publishing party experience because i felt like i was able to learn a little bit more about each of them.

fulfilling the dream

(photo from the bulletin news, inc - article)
usually on MLK day, city year as an organization (across all sites) hosts a day of service. well, in boston, we are different and this year MJ and rachel (tireless corps members like myself) decided that it would be best to have a peace march honoring dr. martin luther king's legacy and as a kick off to the heroes program, both the city heroes (high school students) and the young heroes (middle school students).

the students in the heroes programs are led by diverse team leaders (from city year and the community) through lots of saturdays and overnights (depending on the program) that are about social justice issues. the programs provide a city year like experience and the idea is that they are part of a continuum that will eventually help to create the civic-minded leaders of tomorrow/future city year corps members. the students also participate in service activities that are related to that saturday's lesson. the programs are basically two service-learning programs run entirely by city year corps members from january to may/june.

the march was incredible because despite the cold weather, the auditorium of the middle school that we had the opening ceremonies in was packed. there were people filling in the sides of the auditorium standing. it mimicked our opening day ceremonies for city year boston very closely and i felt like i was reliving my own experience in a way. mayor menino was there to speak to the heroes and it was nice to hear that and have him there for them. he is very dedicated to city year and our cause as part of the national service movement. he was also present at our opening day back in october.

i didn't actually get to participate in the event because i was part of the look & feel crew. i showed up 2 hours early to the middle school (and yes, i was late because i couldn't find the right color of socks-- we're only allowed to wear neutral winter colored socks and all i could find were my baby blue hiking socks) to help set up what city year calls the look & feel.
1) are there enough logos representing all of our sponsors?
2) is the event properly branded (this goes beyond the logos)?
3) are the tables in the right place?
4) anything goes.

it was fun definitely, we also had to go out to the office and to home depot on a water run that took about an hour because driving in boston is not that fun. we didn't drive, but being in the back of a rented van lying down was fabulous since i haven't gotten that much sleep in the last couple weeks since we've been back.

i felt estranged from my team, because i was the only one from the team that was on look & feel and i think it was then that i realized how much i relied on them for support. they got to be power greeters for all of the super important guests (like mayor menino and the heroes) outside while i was running around inside with risers, banners that wouldn't fit frames, tables, tablecloths, extra cy logos, etc.

while everyone was marching, look & feel and the event crews were running around inside for the 40 minutes (even though it felt like less) resetting everything for the closing ceremonies. the principal of the school served lunch , but i didn't even feel like eating at all and plus i was helping to load up the vans and break everything down when the corps and the heroes and parents were eating.

then, hilla and i went back to the office to work on this week's exciting love & joy crew things for ATA (advanced training academy).

cold.

18°F

Feels Like
7°F

no wonder i never want to get up in the mornings.

grocery shopping: the city experience

every time that i go grocery shopping, i end up carrying more bags home than i should. and my little arms feel strong for a few minutes, and then i start thinking that i am building lots of upper body strength just by carrying groceries home.

i honestly try to go with a list because i think that at least that will cut down on my customary grocery store wandering and thus, i will end up with just the right amount of groceries to carry home.

but since the grocery store is one of the places where i can spend money semi-freely (thanks to food stamps and being just one mouth to feed), i tend to spend a lot of time wondering if i should buy organic oranges or regular oranges, vanilla soymilk or regular skim milk, or if i should try something new from the wild harvest section of the store. clearly, these aren't choices i should be making on food stamps -- i should consider myself blessed enough that i can buy food--, but since i spend so little of them, i feel like i can give myself the luxury of that option to feed myself well at least a few nights a week.

other nights, when i get home late because i accidentally got on the T in the wrong direction (inbound instead of outbound... like tonight), i just eat an orange for dinner. or sometimes i find a mango in my cupboard that i bought a week ago and that begs to be eaten in lieu of dinner.

today in the grocery store it dawned on me that i should do two things:
1) invest in one of those rolly-carts that real city people have
2) buy reusable grocery bags to minimize my impact on the environment

the two things that i thought about in my grocery store wanderings. and possibly why i couldn't focus and get out of there in less than an hour even though i only bought a little over 20 dollars worth of food. and cat food for timbs.