something like a breakthrough

so, once upon a time, i trailed a kid around school for an hour and a half because i was worried about him. and every once in a while he would turn around and scream in my face "I HATE YOU! WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!" and other variations of that sentence. and it hurt my feelings. i am a very sensitive person, and i have cried every day i've been back since january 7th. it's a personal record, i think. i'm not upset about me crying at all, its just how i get things out.

so this kid, he's mine. as in, he's from my fifth grade classroom and he is a pretty wonderful human being regardless. when i slipped and smacked the ice with the back of my head, he was the first one there saying "yo, that's my teacher, get your hands off her, help her sit up!" and i think sometime this month it clicked that i'm actually NOT leaving. i'm actually going to come and stay until june. until they all graduate and move onto the sixth grade at their respective middle schools. and that gives me mad legitimacy in his eyes. he told me about how last night at taekwondo afterschool some kid dislocated his thumb and his teacher popped it back in. then he leans in and whispers, "but don't tell anyone, cause i don't want them nagging on me." and i'm like, alright, this could be good. we're reading a book together and today he asked me if i wanted to take it home.

i love them all. they are all incredibly ridiculous, but they are so bright and wonderful when nobody is screaming at them. even the tiny skinny one that pulls on my hand all the time, regardless of how many times i've asked him not to pull on my sleeve anymore because i can't handle all that closeness. and the girls with the fifth grade attitude. sometimes it makes me want to laugh, but i can't because these are super serious things for them. super serious. and i try to keep it all in check and later i just smile reliving the day that i had in service.